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Some of the Best by The Superficial Gazette of the Republic of the Philippines

There was a time, not so long ago (last year actually), that the ‘Official Gazette’ of the Republic commands respect.

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By Therese Claire Linatoc

There was a time, not so long ago (last year actually), that the ‘Official Gazette’ of the Republic commands respect. They were the go-to source of unadulterated facts about what’s really happening inside the hallowed halls of our government. They’re trusted, revered even.  Then everything went downhill fast. From historical revisionism to dubiously represented graph, the Official Gazette became the laughing stock of the whole thinking community.

Out of the ashes of incompetence rose the Superficial Gazette of the Republic of the Philippines. The page was controversial and sensational. It even blurs the line between facts and satire to some special set of people (free-data users).

The Superficial Gazette of the Philippines was created immediately after Official Gazette’s historical revisionism about the life and rule of the late President Ferdinand Marcos. The page quickly gained a huge following, garnering more than 35 thousand page likes after a little over a month of operation.

It challenges the popular beliefs of our society and delivers both scathing and humorous commentary to current events. You would need imagination and a bit of historical know-how to see past through their satire.

Here are just a few of some of their posts:

  1. Buy your plane tickets now, everyone! Before it’s too late.

The post:

“The Department of Tourism has uncovered the Philippines’ new tourism slogan, made better reflect the ideals and character of the Duterte Administration.”

 


wew

The Truth:

The Department of Tourism wants to go away with the popular “It’s More Fun in the Philippines” by 2017. Ina Zara-Loyola, Tourism media director, said that the department’s new direction would reflect the change that is currently happening in the country under the leadership of President Rodrigo Duterte. Considering the rise of unverified police killings and Duterte’s childish tirade against major political powers, it’s safe to assume that any foreigner’s first words upon arriving in our country would definitely be “Wow, [insert Duterte’s favorite expletive] naman this country.”

  1. Nothing can make your day any better than this.

The Post:

“Breaking News: On October 10, 2016, the National Anti-Poverty Commission sent “warm greetings” to Vice President Leni Robredo and Agot Isidro through its social media channels.”

kek

The Truth:

The official National Anti-Poverty Commission (NAPC) Facebook and Twitter account posted a controversial statement which reads, “Ang pagkakapareho ni Agot Isidro at VP Leni Robredo—takot silang magutom”. The post was hinting at the two females’ dislike of President Duterte’s continuing rants against the United States.   

  1. I would actually pay to see that

The Post:

BREAKING NEWS: President Duterte Says PH “Cannot Win” Panatag Shoal After Jetski Runs Out of Fuel

lel

The Truth:

Remember that time not so long ago, when all presidential candidates went on a *ehem* debate *ehem*. One fisherman asked then mayor Duterte what he will do, once president, so fishermen like him can once again freely roam part of the sea that is being claimed by China at the time. Keeping with the tradition of giving incoherent bravado-fueled response, Duterte answered that he will brave the waters of Panatag Shoal while riding a jet ski and clutching the Philippine Flag. If that’s not patriotism I don’t know what is.

  1. Where do I sign up for this program?

The Post:

“Due to to what he perceived as the weakening physical strength of Filiipinos, longest-serving President Ferdinand Marcos ordered the AFP to spread the ‘San Juanico Bridge’ throughout the country, an ‘exercise’ aimed at strengthening the body’s core muscles. The primary beneficiaries of the ‘exercise’ were around 70,000 Filipinos ‘enlisted’ under the government’s ‘Health and Wellness Program.’”

pep

The Truth:

Here’s how the ‘San Juanico Bridge’ torture works: the prisoner was made to lie with his head on one bed and his feet on a second bed, and was beaten and kicked whenever his body sagged or he fell. Imagine the pain as you simultaneously try to endure the beatings whilst straining your core muscles. That’s just one of the numerous “Health and Wellness Program” during Ferdinand Marcos’ regime.

 

  1. Sold at bookstores near you!

The Post:

“BREAKING NEWS: President Duterte to Release “Biography”

Communications Secretary Martin Andanar announced at a press briefing at Malacañan Palace that beloved President Rodrigo Duterte will be releasing a biography titled ‘Mein Kampfutangina,’ which is German for ‘My War On Drugs.’”

beb

The Truth:

Adolf Hitler wrote an autobiography title ‘Mein Kampf’ (My Struggle). It outlines his political ideologies and future plans for Germany.

It’s fitting that our lovely president has his own book since he nonchalantly justified the alarming increase in killings by comparing himself to the Führer. ‘Mein Kampfutangina’ comes with a reader’s guide, Yasay edition, Cayetano edition, Abella edition, Andanar edition, Panelo edition, and Uson edition because apparently you can never take Duterte’s words at face value.

Criticism is not some fancy, nefarious tool used by far-left individuals to take down the administration. It’s not fueled by “textbook yellow journalism” or media bias. Criticism is essential to keep the government on its toes. Complacently accepting mediocrity and incompetence in our government is not acceptable because it will affect the current and succeeding generations.

Superficial Gazette of the Republic of the Philippines’ existence and other pages like it highlight an alarming attitude in most Filipinos; their refusal to admit mistakes. Fine, maybe the USA is a huge imperialist opportunist and the UN is just a group of nosy world leaders but blatantly calling them out using profanities then immediately hiding behind lame excuses once things goes south? That doesn’t sound like a commendable leader.

 

Collage by Geneva Garcia

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5 anime films (that is not Kimi No Na wa) to watch before classes start

It’s only a matter of time before the whole world caught up with the impressiveness of Kimi no Na wa (Your Name), and it isn’t without reasons.

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It’s only a matter of time before the whole world caught up with the impressiveness of Kimi no Na wa (Your Name), and it isn’t without reasons.

Dubbed as the next Hayao Miyazaki, the film’s writer and director Makoto Shinkai pulled everyone in a memorable experience which transcended from just being captured by a film itself: it was a journey, and just like every other journeys, it is not just a happy one. Maybe that’s why it drew various emotions as possible, which is perhaps an effective demonstration of a good cinema.  

With its amazing score, tremendous editing, and an overall significance with the theme of human interconnectedness, it is a film that you carry. It is a movie nobody would’ve thought will invite an emotional (-ly wrecking, I may add) ride with the gimmick of body switching being confined in the spaces of hilarity in usual genres. Just like its themes, Kimi no Na wa is a film that will chase you, bearing the longing and affection that grounds us to our own humanity.

Due to its recent buzz, and even talks about being considered for the Academy, it is also imperative to look at it as another addition to Japan’s numerous noteworthy visual masterpieces. From the timeless Studio Ghibli produced films to Hosoda Mamoru’s heartfelt direction that puts weight on the characters for successful  storytelling, the Japanese animation scene has never wavered, only further trailing the path for the future storytellers to expand genres while still underlining the heart of Japanese culture which is a cornerstone of their animation; albeit anime only remains a subculture, it still produces captivating narratives even in the most delicate and simplest themes.

While we all love Miyazaki (Studio Ghibli), there are many notable and relatively underrated animated movies in Japan that are as cinematic and emotional. In this list are featured animations that possess tales that will appeal to different walks of life – and most importantly, to the heart.

  1.      Millennium Actress (2001)

Image result for Millennium Actress

Satoshi Kon has had remarkable and iconic animated films under his belt; and none has been as massively underappreciated as Millennium Actress which packs a heavy punch and is arguably one of his greatest works. A prime example of Satoshi’s mastery in blurring the lines between reality and fantasy as a social commentary, it chronicles the story of an ageing actress through interwoven storylines and is also Satoshi’s personal love letter to Japanese cinema.

  1.      Mind Game (2004)

Image result for mind game 2004

A psychedelic feature that demands attention which almost borders towards exhaustion, it is perhaps one of the most innovative animated movies Japan has ever produced. It narrates the story of an unsuspecting manga artist who was murdered by the Yakuza and thrown in the most hypnotic and kaleidoscopic realms. It is a film drenched in vision and stylistic creative choices that constitute to its polarizing audience. Whether you love it or hate it, its overall bizarre animation cements it as one of the most unforgettable anime films to date.

  1.      Jin-Roh:  The Wolf Brigade (1999)
    Image result for Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade

Set in an alternate 1950s Japan in which the country loses to Nazi Germany, this psychological-thriller drama is as grim as it gets, with the heavy Little Red Riding Hood symbolism and the disturbing military force throughout the growing civil unrest, the animation is just as brutal as the story and as much as it is an allegorical film, it is also a heartbreaking character study.

  1.      Into the Forest of Fireflies’ Light (2011)

Related image

There is not much to describe about this stunning and criminally short film other than it breathes love. It recounts a simple story of the powerful friendship between a young girl and a spirit who cannot be touched as it will cause him to disappear forever. Flecks of Japanese culture and the influence of Shintoism are embedded in the film, making it an even more personal introspection that will leave you in tears because of its conclusion. Don’t fret though – this film is anything but tragic. Bittersweet, yes, but its overarching theme of optimism makes it even more laudable.

  1.      Giovanni’s Island (2014)

Image result for Giovanni's island

This historic tale about loss, hope, and survival during the aftermath of World War 2 becomes even more gripping as it is told through the perspectives of children, the ultimate embodiment of hope in a situation where despair and oppression reigned. Comparisons with Grave of the Fireflies are inevitable, but while Grave of the Fireflies tackles on children surviving during the war, Giovanni’s Island deals with the consequences of it and the suffering it brought after. This is a sentimental tale about children bearing the weight of adults’ mistakes, delving in character arcs that also hit close to home.

Collage by Humphrey Litan 

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3 Usual Comments From Your Nosy Tita and Tito During the Holidays

By now, all the delayed Christmas parties and holiday get-togethers have been ticked off the checklist.

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By now, all the delayed Christmas parties and holiday get-togethers have been ticked off the checklist. Thanks to a month-long school break, this might mean more family reunions and nothing beats spending quality time with our loved ones. Here we get to see and reconnect with our distant relatives, cousins, and even strangers whom our parents will tell us, “Uy! Si ninong/ninang *insert name* mo ‘yan. Mag-bless ka, dali.”

While it is all fun and games, it can quickly turn into an awkward situation with just one inappropriate remark from your obnoxious tita or creepy tito. Here are some of the unwanted remarks that we usually get and remember, if we are to respond to it make sure to do it with grace and elegance when they unexpectedly pop into your life again.

  1. “Siguro may boyfriend/ girlfriend ka na, noh? Umamin ka na, I won’t tell your mom.”

1

First, why is it that it’s the eternal job of our god parents to know the latest about our love life? We have all been asked with this very personal question at some point.  They will do the exact opposite of “I won’t tell your mom” five seconds after you tell them the truth, thus immediately putting on spotlight. Nothing beats sharing a dinner with your family while your trustworthy tita endlessly coos “Uy binata na si Jonel.” *Sighs internally*

        Good Reply: “Wala po, study lang po muna ang focus ngayon”

        Bad Reply: “Ay wala pa po sa ngayon. Kayo po? Kamusta na po yung pang apat niyong asawa?”

  1. Ang laki mo na ah!”

2

Wait, is it a compliment? Or a low-key dib at my body? Wait, laki horizontally or vertically? Speak your mind people!

Good Reply: If vertically “Eh wala po tumatanda na tayo eh”, if horizontally “Ang mura po kase ng pagkain sa school tapos ang sarap pa po ng luto ni mama”

        Bad Reply: “Ay oo nga po eh. Kayo po mukang pumuputi na po buhok niyo ah. Ay tita wait, varicose ba yan nasa bintin niyo? Tapang po natin mag skirt ah”

  1. Uy! Ang taba mo ngayon ah”

3

There’s no such thing as Euphemism or sugar-coated words to the people (especially, Titas!) that we are going to meet in this family gathering; almost everyone is welcome with comments about their weight loss or weight gain since the last time that they saw each other. This inappropriate remark is probably the most dreaded one every Holiday season.

Good Reply: “Asset ko po yan. Tsaka para may layer of protection yung abs ko. Alam niyo naman, sensitive abs.”

        Definitely Bad Reply: “ANO BANG PROBLEM NIYO? INAANO KAYO NG TABA KO? EH KESYO MASARAP KUMAIN EH. KALA NIYO TIYAN KO LANG DITO SATIN YUNG KITA?”

        Family events during the Holidays can be really stressful at times and for some of us, socializing for a very long time is difficult enough without these unwanted opinion or comments following us like a plague. However, it should not spoil this event that our family members have been waiting the entire year for. An important and smart reminder that I can only suggest you in responding to these remarks, is that don’t let your emotions (or annoyance, perhaps?) cloud your thoughts and reminded to still be respectful at all times.

 

Art by Baron Balaba

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“Kanlungan”: A sanctuary for all

Teatro Tomasino’s 39th season opener, “Kanlungan”, portrays how an unlikely group of people found their personal sanctuaries where they can freely shed their ‘masks’ and act without a fear of repercussion.

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The daily hustle and bustle of life can take a tremendous toll on some of us. There are times when we would prefer to retreat to our  personal sanctuaries than choose to take the world head on. Teatro Tomasino’s 39th season opener, “Kanlungan”, portrays how an unlikely group of people found their personal sanctuaries where they can freely shed their ‘masks’ and act without a fear of repercussion.

“Kanlungan”, directed by Frank Jozsepf Escuadro, is a twin bill that featured Teatro Tomasino alumna Reena Medina’s Gawad Ustetika awarded one act play, “Deadline”, and Dingdong Novenario’s Virgin Labfest piece, “Kafatiran”.

“Deadline” is a narration of how depression jeopardized the lives of three young girls: Fiona, Yana, and Lily. The play starts with the trio meeting at their favorite spot – the rooftop, the only place where they can find respite and solace from the unforgiving eye of society. The rooftop witnessed the turbulent life of the girls and how they managed to cope with their depression. However, the rooftop also symbolizes another form of escape – suicide.

Throughout the play, the girls exemplified their vulnerabilities but by telling too much, the narrative became too predictable. The goal of the story was to explain and make depression a relatable topic by showing that these girls share the same problems that we have. The only major difference is they are a target of scorn and ridicule only because they don’t the necessary strength to overcome their problems. The play seemingly tried too hard by plaguing the scenes with cliche dialogues.

However, “Deadline”  made up for it though its smooth transitions from one scene to another in a non-linear order with tasteful projections of images that symbolized the hope and friendship of the protagonists.

Despite some apparent drawbacks, “Deadline” saved itself by having a creative set that established a stark contrast between the rooftop and the room that in effect, showed how miserable all of the protagonists really are. Moreover, the dialogue might have been wordy but few gems can be taken here and there that exposes the true nature of depression.

“Kafatiran”, on the other hand, is very different from “Deadline”. It’s a humor-laden story set in the Spanish era about a budding sisterhood in the midst of a revolution dominated by men. It opens with two flamboyant revolutionaries, Ka-Obet and Ka-Kiko, setting up their lair as they welcome prospective members. Unlike “Deadline”, the dialogue was the weapon of this play, with witty banters from Ka-Obet and Ka-Kiko keeping the audience interested and clamoring for more.

Perhaps what is fascinating from this play, albeit obvious, is that no one between Ka-Obet and Ka-Kiko admits that they are gay until the final scene even though it’s very apparent to the audience due to their small but highly suggestive actions like mannerisms and diction.

Everything about “Kafatiran” was tasteful and ironically timely because of how it played with gay culture with the way it also featured a mock historical origin of a handful of gay lingos. “Kafatiran” achieved what “Dialogue” aimed for: conviction. What made “Kafatiran” more interesting than “Deadline” is how they portray passion through words, regardless if they’re talking about the gravity of their situation or how the word “keri” came about. All of what the characters said in Kafatiran will be etched to your memories because their words are a strong concoction conviction and wit laced with reality. It is a play that did not rest on the funny but held itself up with its enthralling script that boldly tackled an unspoken issue within the LGBTQ community.

Overall, Kanlungan is a play that made a conscious effort to discuss pressing taboos. “Deadline” had a powerful message that, unfortunately, was lost due to unrestrained vocabulary and predictability but still made up for its direction and work to shed light on the struggles of the depressed . It would have been better if the dialogues were not as sappy and the plot was more interesting. “Kafatiran” outshined its sister because of how well script and the ensemble is. It managed to give a different perspective into a time pre-dominated by male chauvinism and showed that women might have not been the only ones who were underestimated before. Its comedic banter was an effective vessel of introducing a serious issues that is still culturally prevalent because of patriarchal dominion. Teatro Tomasino made a huge leap by introducing issues not often brought up in a conservative society.

We could only hope for a more open-minded and accepting society.

 

Photo by Jazmin Tabuena

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