
THE pills made her smaller, she could swear to it.
Each day she took one, and each day her clothes hung a little looser on her body and she loved it. She went shopping for new ones as soon as she could, and was gratified to see that she needed shirts that were at least two sizes smaller than the ones she already had. It made her happy. The pills were a miracle, and she could finally break out of the horrible cocoon of her too-big body.
Everyone noticed. They all asked how she did it, how she was getting so thin so quickly, and she just smiled. The pills warned her to take no food, only water, for six hours after drinking one, and she complied. They all thought she was working out in her spare time, spending hours at the gym and surviving on a crash diet. She wasn’t. It was just these beautiful, beautiful pills that made her so thin and pretty. She was lucky to have seen them, was about to leave the drugstore when she spotted them on the shelf. It was the only bottle there, and she’d thought, well, what harm could it do? So she bought it – it hadn’t cost much – and all her dreams had come true. Her parents worried, of course. Why wasn’t she eating? It was so much easier just to tell them that she was on a diet. They accepted it, had been nagging her about it for months. And she’d finally found the perfect solution.
They made her dizzy, of course. Couldn’t help it; it was a side effect. Nothing came without a price. And sometimes she wondered whether it was worth giving up food for them. But then she looked at herself in the mirror, watched herself getting thinner and thinner and forgot everything else.
But then one day everyone stopped noticing her. She didn’t understand – she was slimmer than ever, why weren’t they looking at her in awe? She had gotten used to the admiring glances in the hall when she passed. Now everyone seemed to look right through her. Almost like she wasn’t there. It was strange and unsettling and she took to wearing brighter, sexier clothing so people would look at her again. The pills dwindled in the bottle, until eventually there were only five left. She went back to the drugstore and roamed the shelves, even interrogating the staff, asking if they still stocked the pills. They all denied ever having stocked them. One even went so far as to assert he’d never heard of them. He was the manager. She dismissed him as incompetent.
Three. There were only three pills left and now even her parents barely noticed her. She had to speak louder these days, be more of a presence. It would have bothered her, but then she was so slim now. She was barely recognizable from the girl she’d been barely six months ago. Her clothes were tighter, she barely ate, and no one paid attention to her, but hey, she was thin. And if no one appreciated that but her, well, it was everyone else’s loss.
To save on the pills, she skipped a day. It was a bad day – she felt too big, too weighty, felt like she filled up the corridor when she walked through it. But more people noticed her than usual, and she liked that. But it wasn’t worth feeling so fat.
Two pills. People stopped noticing her altogether. Her parents acted as if she wasn’t at the dinner table. Everyone ignored her. If she yelled at them – and this was worrying – they looked up with a puzzled look on their faces and shook their heads. Once in a while one of her friends would ask the rest where she was, and she’d stamp her foot and yell, right in their face, “I’m right here!”
One pill. She looked at it in the bottle and shook her head, left it where it was for a week.
One pill. She left it where it was. Her mother looked surprised to see her at dinner. “We thought you were with your grandmother.”
One pill. She shook it out of the bottle and swallowed it without hesitating. She looked up and realized she could no longer see herself in the mirror.
By Bernice Caña
Photo taken by Rosana Marie A. Lafuente