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Dear 2015

When I met you I thought you were the big break I’ve been waiting for. I told myself it’s time for a change, and you coming around seemed to be just the perfect moment.

Like most things, we got along well at first.

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When I met you I thought you were the big break I’ve been waiting for. I told myself it’s time for a change, and you coming around seemed to be just the perfect moment.

Like most things, we got along well at first. Everything went smoothly. Plans became actions. Dreams somehow came into shape. I thought I was finally getting it, but you indeed had a way of surprising me. I can’t count the times I thought this was it, only to be let down by you. The first thing you taught me, life is unpredictable and I better be ready for it. Right about then, the ups and downs started to come and it was like a never ending rollercoaster. In the worst possible way, you took my breath away. I didn’t know what to expect.

You were nothing but plot twists at every corner, I just couldn’t keep up. I kept chasing and chasing until I realized I didn’t know what I was chasing after anymore. I lost sight of where and what I wanted to be. I stopped for a moment. But you never looked back, you never stopped for anyone.

You disappointed me. I blamed you. All I kept thinking was the worst of you. But how ironic of me to reach the end and realize, after all, you were right. I was looking for someone to blame, but all this time, it was me. Accountability was the second thing I learned from you. I needed to take charge over my own life and that includes all the flaws and mishaps.

This, whatever it is that we have, is not the change I had in mind. It was a stepping stone. One of many. We were the push I needed to change. I woke up realizing my faults and with a rare fortune from this misery, I learned how to fix them. The third gift you handed me was prioritization. We get way too ahead of ourselves and we find that we have too much on our plates, more than we can handle. You eased my burden and showed me how I’d have to let go of some if ever I planned to grow.

There were days of nostalgia, bringing back memories I would rather not remember. This is what you taught me, the past may be filled with bitter thoughts and moments too convoluted for words yet this does not mean I must dwell on them. Fourth lesson was of acceptance. I should let myself move forward. At the end of the day, I saw how I was the only one holding myself back. I made the past an excuse to do less. I am sorry for wasting your time. I am sorry for I know I could’ve done better. Life goes by so fast that no one has time for regrets.

When I met you, I finally learned to choose myself. For this, I am grateful. Thank you for the chances you gave me to make something out of myself, regardless of how many of them I let pass. You are unforgettable, that I know for sure.

Now with all of that in mind, I will leave you behind. Don’t get me wrong. I leave holding on to every memory as it leads me to better choices. Better choices are coming in really quick but you taught me well. I know I’m going to get things right. I’m making sure I know what I want this time around.

Last lesson you taught me, it isn’t only better choices that make a better person. It takes happiness. It takes time. I am a picture made with puzzle pieces. In due time, everything will fall into place.

It’s been a wonderful run. Thank you for filling in those missing parts of the puzzle.

Farewell, 2015.

 

Art by Kit Rodrigo

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Literary

#2K16

What a friggin’ time to be alive. This year.

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By Shicane Reyes

What a friggin’ time to be alive. This year. This whole goddam year equates to—to urinals. Ya’ know those urinals? Ya’ pass by ‘em and you could swear, God was punishing your nasal passages for about a couple o’ seconds there. Know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout? Those urinals that–that hang in corroding iron-clad stalls fixed along the sidewalks of EDSA highways, waiting for the next UBER driver to zip down his fly and whip out his shameless junk on it like he did earlier that same night with a passenger; drawing that drunk college chick’s curtains for a good ol’ half-past midnight pounding. But, man– guess that’s just a’ight, ya’ know? It’s goddam a’ight so long as the victim’s lack of self-guard justifies the friggin’ offender’s lack of moral compass. Whatabuncho’ steaming-hot pile of bullcrap.

 

Be a pal and hand me the lighter, will ‘ya? Saw your tweet the other day. ‘Twas that shallow political stance followed by a goddam “hilarious” Harambe meme. Friggin’ pretentious. Ain’t nothin’ more than a Mocha Uson blog. No offense.

 

Man, I feel like a sissy smokin’ Lights. Why d’you “millennials” try to play villain in this disappointment you call a society? Ya’ share a video on social media ‘bout the disasters currently occurring in Aleppo to “raise awareness”, and what? Ya’ have your “outfit-of-the-day” photo taken, ya’ post ’em on social media and ya’ talk about how “on point” or “lit” it is. Now tell me: Which post got more “likes”? Just makes you another brick in the system you try to be a fault in, ya’ know? So, who’s your mason? Kylie Jenner? It’s like y’all get blessings from your “idols” sacrificing one heart per post on Instagram. Stroking your gorilla glass touch-screens all day as if our opposable thumbs owe their joints and tendons to these smartphones. These devices developed by tycoons or—or tyrants. Goddam tyrants running their companies, their factories, their—their dystopias. How can you stomach the idea of subjecting hundreds of thousands to an eight to twelve hour labor for one man to make billions? Is it ‘cause of some cute Snapchat filter you get on your iPhone 7? Or a little more than that, maybe? Look at you. Goddam phone’s more human than you robots, for chrissakes.

 

I’m headin’ back home in a few. I’m not stayin’ out to sit through the fireworks. Sick of ‘em. Had ‘nuff of ‘em all year ‘round. Our police force’s been having their own “New Year celebration”, lighting up their lead firecrackers on suspected “drug pushers”. But have we any right to whine about this? We act like we do but we don’t. Our President didn’t win ‘cause he chose to put his butt on the seat. We, the people, elected him over three other idiots and the late Senator. God bless her soul. Ya’ thought his jokes were funny, he said he’d play “shoot ‘em up” in our country, y’all thought that was cool and said “Ya’ know what, I think that’s what’s best for The Philippines. What an audacious yet brave man. I’m voting for him.” So y’all friggin’ did. Now we have a megalomaniac sleeping with heroes. ‘Least most of America knew they’re screwed before that blond moron took over. Here’s to another goddam year to masquerade our intimacy for this world.
You can have the last stick. Mom’s pretty keen on the stench of stale cigarettes. Plus, I’m cuttin’ it down to at least a couple o’ sticks a day.  

Art by Tim Castillo

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Literary

Langib

Ngunit ang hindi ko makalimutan
ay ang latay sa aking katawan
nang ako ay nahuli sa ilalim ng
sinag ng buwan

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“Natakot ba kayo, pa?”
tanong ko kay itay
sa tuwing kanyang ikukwento
ang kanyang kabataan.

Alam ko na ang takbo ng kwento—
hihinga siya ng malalim
sabay titingin sa kawalan,
ang kanyang kamay ay gagalaw
patungo sa kanyang braso.

“Madilim ang mga araw noon, anak,
may mga bagay na hindi ko magawa.
Mga alaala na sana’y naglaho
sa paglipas ng panahon, ngunit
hanggang ngayo’y nanginginig ako
kapag naaalala ko ang mga nag-iikot na
sundalo sa labas ng aming bahay.

Dinakip nila si itay at siya’y nakulong
sa dahilang hindi namin malaman.
Naalala ko ang aking mga sulat
na kailanma’y hindi nailathala
kaya akin na lamang itinago
sa alaala.

Ngunit ang hindi ko makalimutan
ay ang latay sa aking katawan
nang ako ay nahuli sa ilalim ng
sinag ng buwan.”

At sa pagwakas ng kwento ni itay,
siya ay nakatingin pa rin sa kawalan
habang kinakamot sa kanyang braso
ang isang peklat na hindi pa rin
naglalaho.

 

Dibuho ni Roland Joshua Distor

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Literary

I Would Love For You To Hear

I’m certain that a love this warm exists for you are my proof;
It is the kind I have always felt, resplendent when it is shone.

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Your skin has been withered by the clocks that run
but your eyes are brimming with wisdom and care.
Silver as the clouds when they block the sun
is what has become of that crown, your hair.

As your memory, like a fine piece of literature,
and your voice is the sound of a turning page;
Timeless, like the tales of your adventure
with old photographs of you when you were my age.

There is an indescribable comfort with your presence around
for your hand is a hand that I look forward to hold.
When you wait for me to arrive safe and sound,
It is one of those times when I see your heart of gold.

I’m certain that a love this warm exists for you are my proof;
It is the kind I have always felt, resplendent when it is shone.
A house is merely a structure with four walls and a roof;
But in it, there is you—and you are my home.

 

Art by Roland Joshua Distor

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