When I met you I thought you were the big break I’ve been waiting for. I told myself it’s time for a change, and you coming around seemed to be just the perfect moment.
Like most things, we got along well at first. Everything went smoothly. Plans became actions. Dreams somehow came into shape. I thought I was finally getting it, but you indeed had a way of surprising me. I can’t count the times I thought this was it, only to be let down by you. The first thing you taught me, life is unpredictable and I better be ready for it. Right about then, the ups and downs started to come and it was like a never ending rollercoaster. In the worst possible way, you took my breath away. I didn’t know what to expect.
You were nothing but plot twists at every corner, I just couldn’t keep up. I kept chasing and chasing until I realized I didn’t know what I was chasing after anymore. I lost sight of where and what I wanted to be. I stopped for a moment. But you never looked back, you never stopped for anyone.
You disappointed me. I blamed you. All I kept thinking was the worst of you. But how ironic of me to reach the end and realize, after all, you were right. I was looking for someone to blame, but all this time, it was me. Accountability was the second thing I learned from you. I needed to take charge over my own life and that includes all the flaws and mishaps.
This, whatever it is that we have, is not the change I had in mind. It was a stepping stone. One of many. We were the push I needed to change. I woke up realizing my faults and with a rare fortune from this misery, I learned how to fix them. The third gift you handed me was prioritization. We get way too ahead of ourselves and we find that we have too much on our plates, more than we can handle. You eased my burden and showed me how I’d have to let go of some if ever I planned to grow.
There were days of nostalgia, bringing back memories I would rather not remember. This is what you taught me, the past may be filled with bitter thoughts and moments too convoluted for words yet this does not mean I must dwell on them. Fourth lesson was of acceptance. I should let myself move forward. At the end of the day, I saw how I was the only one holding myself back. I made the past an excuse to do less. I am sorry for wasting your time. I am sorry for I know I could’ve done better. Life goes by so fast that no one has time for regrets.
When I met you, I finally learned to choose myself. For this, I am grateful. Thank you for the chances you gave me to make something out of myself, regardless of how many of them I let pass. You are unforgettable, that I know for sure.
Now with all of that in mind, I will leave you behind. Don’t get me wrong. I leave holding on to every memory as it leads me to better choices. Better choices are coming in really quick but you taught me well. I know I’m going to get things right. I’m making sure I know what I want this time around.
Last lesson you taught me, it isn’t only better choices that make a better person. It takes happiness. It takes time. I am a picture made with puzzle pieces. In due time, everything will fall into place.
It’s been a wonderful run. Thank you for filling in those missing parts of the puzzle.
Farewell, 2015.
Art by Kit Rodrigo