I looked up and the sun almost hit my eyes. I squinted, making sure there wasn’t too much sunlight entering my eyes. Apparently, everyone around was loud enough for me to just keep my thoughts trapped in my head.
The noise of the people around me constituted the only sound I hear. They seemed to be the only ones alive enough to keep me thinking. I shifted my position on my seat. The sound of their voices was the air I breathed in and the words I took in. I assumed a position in which my head was rested on my arm and I saw no one but only darkness.
I started to reminisce the days when I am unspoken. Why did you remain silent during the times when you should be heard? I still found your memories lingering somewhere at the back of my mind. I am going to show you the events where you were supposed to voice yourself out, but you never did.
That night when your parents where arguing, an exchange of profanities and belittling comments were thrown and you were there. You were there, in the room, trying to study your lessons for the next day. Yes, I know you were fed up. I know that somewhere in your uncaring and oblivious little mind, you did care. You tried not to. You wanted to tell them to be quiet, to tell them that arguments will not make them stronger but even vulnerable enough to take that huge amount of damage. Now I tell you, why didn’t you speak up? Was it out of pure respect? Or were you afraid that they were not going to listen to you?
That moment when you lost your best friend, why didn’t you pull her back? She was already walking away and you knew that she’d be gone. And now she is, long gone. You’d shared not only the best memories, but also the worst ones. Why weren’t you “man” enough to tell her that you needed her? Or did you tell her that you did, but she chose not to accept it? For a fact, people make mistakes. Either they are happy, good, little ones or the sad, bad and huge ones. But aren’t they all mistakes? Even if they are big or small, they’re still referred to as such. Why did you try to make up to her even though you knew that all efforts were futile? Were you sure that you needed her? Or did you just think that you needed the idea of having a best friend? Was it all just, pure play? Did you fool yourself into thinking that you were important to her? Rethink all your choices.
That day when you found out you passed the university that your parent wanted for you, they were happy – they even wanted you to go there. But were you happy? Were you? It was already halfway through your vacation, you still had that argument barring your conversations. It was there, it’s still there, isn’t it? I know that you wanted something else, you spoke about it. At least you’re where you want to be right now. But have you said all that is on your mind? Is that all? No. I know so.
You were hanging by a thread. You lost all sanity and hope. I knew you were slipping away slowly. You weren’t like yourself. Something was wrong, I thought. But no one even tried listening. Your attempts were useless.
But I salute you.
Why?
Even after all that happened, you managed to get out of it alive. Some people might think it’s an exaggerated thing to say, but no. Some people just decide to end their life just for the reason that it was served on the palms of their hands. Yes, your life maybe lent to you, but it doesn’t give you the right to put a stop to it. You’ve so much more to see and feel. Things like falling in love, having the greatest friends, seeing your siblings graduate and witnessing your family members be proud of you.
Continue to be strong. You are not what you just think you are, you are so much more.
You aren’t just you. You’re the totality of all the experiences you’ve garnered throughout your little life.
Photo By Chelsea Murphy
